WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
