She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
