There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
