i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
