just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
