Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
