My liver just broke up with me...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
