I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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