hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
