The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm at about main and main street
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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