I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
