He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
