If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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