Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Someone came in the potted fern
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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