I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
