I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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