do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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