1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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