I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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