on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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