im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
