I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
