Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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