Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
