a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
