What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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