There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
