if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
