Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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