What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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