Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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