Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
