look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
