Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
