their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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