Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
