u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Randomize
