yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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