Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
