I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
