I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
