When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
