Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
tell me about the eggs
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