Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
