And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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