Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
