She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
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