you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
