i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
