Since when is my name a synonym for head?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
