God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
