Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
