There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
