One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
