Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Randomize
