You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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