i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
