guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I cut my penus on the lid.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Dignity is for republicans.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
