I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
barbara walters just said penis...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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