Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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