i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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